Pain. The pain that feels like ripping your heart open. It feels like your whole being being ripped apart into pieces only to be slooooooowly put back together (indefinitely, no deadline in sight, always ongoing, filled with the lowest of the low but not necessarily the highest of the high (not yet?)
That was the WordPress random question. A few years ago, I am pretty sure I would have had a completely different answer but at this point, this is what I have to say:
The mind is very very tricky. If it’s never questioned, it’ll keep repeating what it’s been repeating unconsciously, like praying for “better days ahead” and hoping for a “better tomorrow”. What’s wrong with that? Nothing’s wrong with that, it just means we don’t really live right here, right now, no matter what. We are not present (pointing finger to myself) that’s why we are looking forward to better days ahead. It’s a fight or flight response for something we are very uncomfortable with at the moment. Pain. Misery. Heartbreak. Headaches. Severe whatever. I’ve been there and still there. It’s a enormous challenge (for the mind) to be truly present with “right here, right now” because it has the tendency to judge every situation and circumstance as “good” and “bad”. Heaven and hell. Have you ever asked “Who is the one giving me worse and better days?” If you pray to God, have you ever thought of getting to know God (the giver) instead of keeping asking the giver for whatever your heart desires? Ask who is the giver. Get to know Him/Her. Sincerely. Wholeheartedly. Ask Her the hard questions. He would be very pleased because now you pay attention to Her instead of His gifts.
*) I used pronouns interchangeably, as gender isn’t important.
— I have been a dreamer And in my dream I wake up I am still dreaming now But with my eyes open
— Wake up, you’re dreaming your life I know because sooner or later every dream No matter how glorious or horrid Comes to an end
— Life is a dream And so is death They both belong to one who dreams Of living and dying Wake up and and let the dreamer go And let the dream be just a dream
–D
Note: Pic: local park in autumn (2022), taken by my phone camera